Q & A's - Sex Therapy

Sex Therapy

One of a sex therapist's roles is to give down to earth, factual information about realistic expectations of sex and relationship. The work is based on a blend of professional training and up-to- date international research. Sessions are for 1 hour, or longer if agreed upon. A detailed picture of your relationship and the broader picture of your life will help to clarify and understand your concerns.


Understanding how relationships work, developing your capacity to allow intimacy, discovering your body's sexual pleasures; this is just a little of the work of a sex therapist. Such crucial knowledge is often not passed on from generation to generation so why wait your whole lifetimes to work it out for yourself?

No one ever teaches us how to have sex but somehow we are meant to know. Most of us go into our relationships with great hopes and good intentions, but often with a naivety about the complexity of it all. This is the specialist area of sex therapists: understanding sexuality and its interaction with life events, aging and medical conditions, bringing an expertise about intimate relationships.

Few of us are taught much at all about our sexuality or about sex beyond the basics of reproduction, contraception and disease. Unconsciously we hold many myths about sex which can leave us feeling fearful of being inadequate. The majority of couples who consult me about the distress in their sexual relationship are doing the best they can but they don't know how to bridge the differences in the sexual needs and wants.

You will gain a shared understanding of what the current concern is and what is likely to have caused it. Each of you will learn about the part you contributed to it. You will experience improved intimacy between the two of you, as you talk together about the problem and learn new skills to use.

Clients often comment that they feel anxious about the idea of talking about their sex lives to a professional but they quickly find that once they start talking my experience makes it a lot easier than they thought. You don't need to worry about the language you use, or the way you describe what is happening or not happening. You will find that sex will be talked about in a very matter-of-fact way.

That varies a lot depending on how long you had the problem how complex it is. Some clients need only one session – other might see me for six or more. Lasting change often takes some time to bring about. Many kiwis are still not ready to talk about the fact that they have been to see a therapist, so you probably won't hear it from anyone else. To know whether sex therapy is for you or not, why not try it!